I was recently ask a question from one of my clients, "Is love enough?" I first had to get an understanding of what she meant.
She states she's been married for 17 years and she knows without a shadow of a doubt that her husband loves her. He has always been faithful to her, he's a hard worker, although they don't have a lot of money, they live in a beautiful house Up State New York and drive two wonderful cars. They have 2 teenage children and he's a wonderful father.
I ask her what were the area's of her discontentment, she begin to tell me that her husband had gained weight over the years and was unattractive to her and that has affecting their love life, she also stated that he didn't like do anything anymore except set around the house.
This problem is not unusual for couples that have been married this long. These issues are very easily fixed, but if left unaddressed they could lead into some serious problems.
We (Steve & I) will be working with this couple to help them come through this phase in their marriage; but let me tell you a story:
A few years ago another one of my clients had the same question, "Is love enough?" She made the decision that "love wasn't enough" and begin to look other places. She divorced her husband and left her two children. She met another man that had the body of a Greek God and he was fine, oh, so fine. He dressed like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine, drove a 2005 745 BMW and he lived in an upscale Buckhead condo. Everything her husband was not, he was and she was willing to leave everything for what she felt she could not live without.
For the first 10 months everything was blissful, the partying was great, she felt so good being on this guys arm, she was the envy of all the women when they went out, the sex was better than any fantasy she could ever imagine. She thought she had died and went to heaven, until one evening she went over to his house to surprise him for his birthday, the only one that was surprised was her. She walked to his door and heard music coming from the inside of the condo, when she knocked on the door, after few minutes the music was cut off. After another few minutes when no one came to the door, she got a sick feeling at the pit of her stomach, she begin banging on the door. After banging on the door and even making a scene, the door finally opened and her new boyfriend appeared in a robe. He did not offer her to come in, she was very agitated and pushed her way past him. When she forced her way into the house, she looked pass the living room into the bedroom and saw a man sitting on the bed with only his underwear on, when he saw her, he got off the bed and slammed the bedroom door. She turned around and ran out the house without saying word.
Today she lives in a one bedroom apartment, catches Marta to her minimum wage paying job and comes home everyday to an empty home...her ex husband is now remarried to a women that loves the ground he walks on...
Why don't you ask the women that left her husband for what she thought she could not live without..."WAS LOVE ENOUGH?"
I bet she would say, "IT WAS!"
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
What keeps love alive?
Steve and I have coached couples for over 17 years and one of the prevailing questions we get all the time is, How do you keep love alive?
One of the answers to that question is to have fun together.
Steve and I have a friend name Jody Mayfield, he has a band name "M2O" he invited us out to hear his band last Tuesday night, they were playing at Atlantic Station in Downtown Atlanta at the Ten Pin; it's an upscale bowling ally/night stop. We decided to go. We really didn't have the money to go out on a date, but we had gas in the car and the cover charge was free until 11:00 p.m.
We arrived before the band was fully setup, so we had time to just get into each other before the music begin to play. It had been such a long time since we had been out on a date. In June I had surgery on my foot and I'm just getting to the point where I can get around and even doing a little dancing. This night was exciting for us. We were laughing and giggling like a young teenage couple.
As the band begin to warm up so did we! When they begin to play their first song, we got to moving. At first we were just moving in our seats, swaying from side to side, tapping our feet, popping our fingers and laughing, laughing, laughing!
We noticed a few ladies got out on the dance floor and begin to dance with each other and then a few men got there and begin to dance with them. We watched them for the first song and then the band went into the second song; Steve and I couldn't take it any longer. We gave each other the look (our look) as to say let's get it on! We slid out of our seats and moved to the dance floor and begin to do what we do BABY!
I can't even begin to name the dances we were doing, but we know we were getting down. We have 4 grown children and 11 grandchildren that keep us pretty up to date on the latest moves and we were doing them.
I noticed as we were dancing that we had quite a few on lookers, people begin to line up against the walls to watch us. I would catch the eyes of some and when I did, they gave me a big smile. I noticed some young ladies standing by the bar looking, smiling and pointing, for a brief moment I became a little self conscience, I thought they were saying, look at that old women dancing like that! But that feeling was very brief because I was there with the love of my life and as far as I was concerned I was dancing for him and that's all that mattered.
As it appeared, we had developed quite a fan club, the manager of the establishment came over to our table during the band break and offered us a drink on the house, we took him up on the offer and ordered a glass of red wine.
We danced until 12:30, knowing it was time to go, hating that our date had to end, we preceded toward the exit, the same two young ladies that were at the bar, smiling, staring and pointing were on their way out too. One of the ladies put her hand on my shoulder and said, "you were getting down tonight!" How long have you two been together? I said, "thank you, we've been married for 25 years." Her and her friend both stopped died in their tracks as if they had been hit in the face, one grabbed me and said, "please touch me, I want that!" The other grabbed me and hugged me so tight and said, "that is so awesome!"
As we were thanking them for compliments they were giving, we heard in the background another familiar jam and we all decided to go back out on the dance floor one more time!
What a date!!!!!
That's what keeps love alive.
Keep fun in your marriage!
The world is hungry for true love...they saw it in Steve an I on Tuesday night. I don't know what those two young ladies or the rest of the observers said about us after that night, but hopefully we showed them by example...TRUE LOVE!
P.S. M2O is playing again this Tuesday night, come join us and get your groove on and maybe get your FUN back!
Longevity:Loving for a Lifetime
Alicia Johnson
One of the answers to that question is to have fun together.
Steve and I have a friend name Jody Mayfield, he has a band name "M2O" he invited us out to hear his band last Tuesday night, they were playing at Atlantic Station in Downtown Atlanta at the Ten Pin; it's an upscale bowling ally/night stop. We decided to go. We really didn't have the money to go out on a date, but we had gas in the car and the cover charge was free until 11:00 p.m.
We arrived before the band was fully setup, so we had time to just get into each other before the music begin to play. It had been such a long time since we had been out on a date. In June I had surgery on my foot and I'm just getting to the point where I can get around and even doing a little dancing. This night was exciting for us. We were laughing and giggling like a young teenage couple.
As the band begin to warm up so did we! When they begin to play their first song, we got to moving. At first we were just moving in our seats, swaying from side to side, tapping our feet, popping our fingers and laughing, laughing, laughing!
We noticed a few ladies got out on the dance floor and begin to dance with each other and then a few men got there and begin to dance with them. We watched them for the first song and then the band went into the second song; Steve and I couldn't take it any longer. We gave each other the look (our look) as to say let's get it on! We slid out of our seats and moved to the dance floor and begin to do what we do BABY!
I can't even begin to name the dances we were doing, but we know we were getting down. We have 4 grown children and 11 grandchildren that keep us pretty up to date on the latest moves and we were doing them.
I noticed as we were dancing that we had quite a few on lookers, people begin to line up against the walls to watch us. I would catch the eyes of some and when I did, they gave me a big smile. I noticed some young ladies standing by the bar looking, smiling and pointing, for a brief moment I became a little self conscience, I thought they were saying, look at that old women dancing like that! But that feeling was very brief because I was there with the love of my life and as far as I was concerned I was dancing for him and that's all that mattered.
As it appeared, we had developed quite a fan club, the manager of the establishment came over to our table during the band break and offered us a drink on the house, we took him up on the offer and ordered a glass of red wine.
We danced until 12:30, knowing it was time to go, hating that our date had to end, we preceded toward the exit, the same two young ladies that were at the bar, smiling, staring and pointing were on their way out too. One of the ladies put her hand on my shoulder and said, "you were getting down tonight!" How long have you two been together? I said, "thank you, we've been married for 25 years." Her and her friend both stopped died in their tracks as if they had been hit in the face, one grabbed me and said, "please touch me, I want that!" The other grabbed me and hugged me so tight and said, "that is so awesome!"
As we were thanking them for compliments they were giving, we heard in the background another familiar jam and we all decided to go back out on the dance floor one more time!
What a date!!!!!
That's what keeps love alive.
Keep fun in your marriage!
The world is hungry for true love...they saw it in Steve an I on Tuesday night. I don't know what those two young ladies or the rest of the observers said about us after that night, but hopefully we showed them by example...TRUE LOVE!
P.S. M2O is playing again this Tuesday night, come join us and get your groove on and maybe get your FUN back!
Longevity:Loving for a Lifetime
Alicia Johnson
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